9 weeks

 This week was challenging. When things get hard in life, and I feel like I need some back up. I send out a group text to those who I know will pray for me immediately. I used to use that strategy often while at work and dealing with so much responsibility,  personalities, and situations where I honestly just needed strength or a miracle. Since I stopped working, I haven't used it in a while until this passed week. I could tell my husband was undergoing stress and a spiritual attack. My prayer and devotion time has not been quality. A lot if it is spent in my bed in between naps and turning over. The fatigue and nausea has been very present. So I texted my crew to fill in the gap for me and they came through as always. Though I didn't hear any of their prayers. I mostly got a reply that simply said, "Praying now" or "On it" 

The results included me getting energy to pray more, David and I spent some time with another couple who are great friends and he was able to express his frustrations. They were able to encourage him and share their perspectives which were very edifying. My nausea and fatigue subsided a lot. I was able to put together some ways to help manage the stress. I saw a lot of improvement over this week. Taking less naps, getting more chores done and I walked my first mile in like 5 weeks!  So it's been a blessed week. 

8 weeks

 8 weeks today. This week I had my first doctor's appt. It went well. Hearing the words, "Baby has a strong heart beat" hits differently. No twins, just one, but we are so grateful. The staff was really nice and we were satisfied with the overall appt. I've noticed a decrease in mood and energy. I've been nauseous throughout the day, so laying down has been my main remedy. The increased fatigue probably has been the most significant effect. I haven't been keeping up on the house and laundry as much. Fitness hasn't been a priority, but I think the lack of exercise has been the made reason my mood has decreased. I've been spending my devotions in bed. So I've been using this time to ask the Lord to help me holdfast to I'm loved based on my position with Christ and not my performance. I'm quality because of what Christ did for me not because of all my well accomplished tasks. I prayed today that my confidence will come from and be found in that truth. So at times like this, I can bask in and be covered in his grace. A picture from last week.

Still here

 I was actually going to begin a new blog to document this new chapter I'm in, but as I looked back on these sweet memories from several years ago, I thought it would be fitting to continue documenting my motherhood journey.

 Since my last post, I did go back to work as an activities assistant. I was grateful for the job but I was ready to grow. I had a bachelors degree and wanted to use it, but was unsure what I wanted to do exactly. My husband suggested to use the position to get my foot in the door, and that's exactly what happened. Shortly after I was offered a position within the same building to work as a Social Services Assistant. I split my full time job in both positions. Soon after, I was offered a Social Services Director position and worked in that position for 5 years. It was a stressful job, but one that I am very grateful and appreciative to have experienced. Before I took the job as director, I spent time praying and considering heavily if I should take it. I felt like I went from  0-100,  from being a stay at home mom to working a job that would have me away from the house most days at least 10 hours a day. My mom came over one day and said to me "Are you struggling with deciding if you should take the job?" I answered "Yes." She said, "The kids are young now and you have good support for them, but when Moriah turns around 12, that's when you need to be home." Moriah is my oldest and was around 6 at the time. That always stuck with me. So after I decided to take the job, I always had that as a sort of deadline to be back at home.

 The beginning of the 5th year in my position, we got pregnant with our 4th. That was the first time out of our 3 kids that we 'tried.' We were both excited about our "last go round" but a little before the second trimester, we discovered that we lost the baby. It was devastating. But God and His goodness came through on His comfort. A few months after, I felt a shift and my husband did also. He said he was thinking of me leaving my job and staying home with the kids. I still remember the feelings I had of the almost impossibility of our income basically being divided in half. We prayed, sought council and received confirmation. I resigned from my job to stay at home. Oh yeah, Moriah was 11 at the time.

 I remember the objectives David gave me were to take care of the kids specifically with their school, take care of our home and pursue my passion of fitness. I'm finding joy in all of the roles. I'm homeschooling all 3 children. I'm learning the joy of homemaking and sharing it with the kids, as we learn how to make fresh bread. I'm loving my fitness. I wish I could be further in that though. I'm getting over the fear of putting myself out there. The beginning of this year, David was inspired to have another baby. I really didn't see that coming but I'm learning to trust him, trust his inspirations and trust when God is leading us through him. So here we are.. We told the kids. They were ecstatic. Especially my son. He was always into babies from when he was a preschooler.

Today for a split second so many things came to mind, the risks of my age, our previous pregnancy, etc, Then I thought about God's goodness and in the middle of those thoughts, I was deciding to choose hope, joy, God's faithfulness and all the other times God has worked through David's leading. They all gave me the confidence that I needed. We told his mom, and secured an OBGYN appointment.