A sensitive subject, but I knew it had to be addressed sooner or later

It was a Friday afternoon. The end of a busy week of Moriah's dance camp. That's why when she was kind of moseying along through the class, I just attributed it to fatigue. As all of the parents had all of our gadgets to record our beautiful ballerinas, David and I quietly joked that the dazed stare that our little girl had that day would be forever on video. We went back and forth, wondering why she seemed so out of it. David asked "What did she have for breakfast?" I added, "Well she is getting sick. I mean I know she likes ballet. She was ecstatic on the first day and really stuck out with her amazing posture."

Well later she would point out something else that made her stick out.

As we loaded into our car, discussing which class we were going to sign her up for the fall. I asked her why she seemed so sad. "Is everything okay Riah?" She nodded her head yes. She took a while and said, "Mommy, I am the only brown skin girl in my class at school and the only brown skin girl in my class at ballet." I agreed with her and asked her how that made her feel, wanting to encourage dialogue and wanted to buy extra time to carefully respond. She stated that it made her feel sad sometimes.

 In my mind I was like, No problem. Let's go home, pack and move to Atlanta. But I thought about it and encouraged her by telling her my story and how I went through the same thing but now I have a rainbow(she loves colors) variety of friends and someday soon, she will too. Dissatisfied with my answer, as soon as I went home I researched on how to raise black children in a predominately white environment. I did some recollection of my own experience, asked some of my closest friends for some input, watched about 6 documentaries and prayed. So in a nutshell this is what God led me to so far.

1. Teach them their heritage. We read I have A Dream, which is beautifully illustrated by Kadir Nelson. It also came with a cd of the original speech given by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I gave a quick play using Moriah's dolls and the book to summarize the story of slavery to freedom emphasizing that God made everyone different colors and He wants us to hold hands and not to treat others badly because of the color of their skin.  I made it sure was age appropriate. Though I was reluctant,  I believe it is key to teach this discussion early instead of waiting for our kids to learn at school. Their knowledge helps their confidence and hopefully prevents that awful and shameful feeling of discussing it during African American month while being the only black child in the class.

 

2. Encourage them to view positive Black people in media. Two things that you pretty much will never catch on our tv screen: 5 o'clock news and BET. Contrary to popular belief, I actually started my ban on BET not while residing in a predominate white environment but while I was attending a HBCU. Anywho, whenever we go to the library we try to get at least one book by an African American author. Though we watch a few cartoons, Little Bill is one of our favorites.  We like movies like Akeelah and the Bee and Daddy Day Care and watched them multiple times. The kids go to sleep to Jamie Grace every night and have watched her testimony and her other videos on youtube. Whenever I see Gabby Douglas on a book or a magazine, I point her out. I'm considering doing a mini book report on her with the kids at the end of the summer since her story proves that color or size is not an obstacle if you have God and and the passion He created you with as drive.

3. Teach them that God made them for a specific reason and plan. This reassures them that someone else doesn't have greater value than them because of age, gender, looks, intelligence, race, etc. God created them for a purpose, for Him to love them. Also with a specific work to do that only they can do and they will complete if they trust God. Confidence should come from this and not appearance.

4. Self affirmation. I tell them that I love their skin because it reminds me of chocolate and cocoa.  I also tell them that they're beautiful (then my son corrects me and says,"I'm not beautiful. I am handsome!:))  smart, intelligent and brilliant. Then I make them repeat it and and yell it. This morning I got so caught up in the yelling, I ran out of adjectives to yell. I glanced at the I have a dream book and it said "Free at last. Free at last. Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!" So we yelled that.:) 

5. Do the doll test. I actually started out with this tip. I first saw this test done in the trailer for The Dark Girls Documentary more than a year ago. It made my heart drop and I knew I had to do it on my kids. But I stalled partly due to fear of the response.  Basically the premise of the test is a white doll or (light skin doll) and a dark skin doll is given to an African American child and the child is asked which one is prettier. The child points to the light skin doll. The child is then asked which doll is smarter and the child points to the light skin doll and  gives the reason that its because the doll is lighter. I have seen this test done so many times on children in many documentaries and its unbelievable. One little black girl went as far as to say that black is ugly and evil. This in not even taught one on one. It's subconsciously embedded. Sooooo...I did the test on my kids. Well I lined up five different shades of barbies. I asked David first.  When I asked "Who is prettier?" He pointed to the darkest one. I asked him why did he think she was the prettiest and he said, "Because I did her hair." (Yes, I allow him to play with Moriah's dolls with her, but I refuse to allow him to play with her purses:)).  I asked Moriah which one was the prettiest and she pointed to two. A bi-racial doll and one slightly darker. When I asked her why are they the prettiest she said because she liked one doll's eyes and the other one could fly.

 Ok so I gave those answers passing grades. But I will continue to pray that they will never feel inferior because of the color of their skin, they will love others with Christ's love and that they will appreciate and learn from all cultures.

What negative experiences did you have growing up dealing with race and how do you plan on changing it for the positive for your children?

~For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 

~Psalm 139:13-14